Today has been a really bad day. In fact, it's probably the worst day I've had since all the way back to March 10 when I found out that I had cancer. However, I was way more in control of my emotions and in a much better state of mind on that awful day than today. Of course, I'm sure the fact that I still had estrogen in my body and a cute boyfriend who claimed to love me helped me get through that day. But now they're both gone. Long, long gone. Ahhh...the casualities of cancer, right?
I'm afraid that by removing all of the estrogen (read: ovaries) from my body last Thursday in order to save my life, my doctor's scalpel has caused me to slip into a deep, deep depression. My doctor also helped further that depression by being flip when reminding me of the bad odds I face in battling this disease following the surgery.
I think it's time to start taking the happy pills now. I took one awhile back and it made me sick to my stomach so I stopped but I think I've got to try it again. For my sanity and for others'. I really don't want to spend another day in tears (literally, almost all day), contimplating how I'd like to commit suicide (my current thought is to overdose on my beloved vicodin), throwing things around my condo while my poor mother ducks in the corner. Yes, all of that really happened today. And a few other upsetting things that I won't bother mentioning because they don't deserve it.
Hope that everyone has a wonderful weekend. As always, I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day. The sun always comes out tomorrow, right?